Tuesday, December 22, 2015

helpless.


When Biggest Loser season comes along, I find myself overly inspired...if that's even possible?

I have my favorite contestants, the ones I relate to and feel like I know "in real life" but Jay Jacob's and his beautiful family have really touched my heart over the years and after reading his Instagram post today, it inspired a post of reflection on what helpless meant to me...

Jillian's words spoke to me in his post...
What strong words.

As I reflect on these words personally, it makes so much sense. 
While I wanted to blame others for my emotional attachment to food, it was my choice.  I allowed others to have control over me by letting their words, actions and opinions affect my poor eating decisions.  That choice was MINE.  I had to stop giving food power, stop giving the "haters" power, stop allowing others to hurt me in a way that I'd let their words or actions make me helpless...by choice.  
It's ALWAYS a choice.  Remember that.  

For me I spent so much time MAKING myself helpless. Trapped. Powerless.
I voluntarily gave up my control slowly until it vanished before I even realized it.
I'd allow others to set my moods, triggering me to give up control and although I had a choice, I'd tell myself I had no choice and continue down the path of self-destructing my health.  So I became a different woman while feeling like I had no choice in the matter...almost as if I was who I was and I couldn't change it even if I tried.  How unfortunate.  I had the choice all along and I CHOSE to keep falling deeper into that hole that I HAD CREATED.  The pity, the doubt, frustrations, tears, sadness, helplessness...ALL MY CHOICE but because I gave up that power "drip by drip", I resented the person I had become.  I was angry and the only way I knew to fix it was to keep making the same "choices" I had made all along. 

It's a vicious cycle that won't break until we 
MAKE THE CHOICE TO CHANGE IT!  
Simple as that...ha, if only simple was easy? 

When I'm approached to help women change their lives, the first thing I listen to is their story.  Their words.  I must truly listen to them and HEAR them and I'll know almost immediately if they have given up control...
It's amazing after living without control for so long, I pick up on it rather quickly.  
While I thought I was a closed off person on the inside, that nobody could see my dark (unhealthy) secrets, I was wrong- they could see right through me.  My helplessness and insecurities showed for those that listened.  It was easy to see I had given up power to choose how I wanted to live and with giving up that power, I gave up on me completely.  I had given up trying.  I had given up on being better.  I had allowed fear, sadness and failure consume me until those words described me and all that I represented.  UNTIL I CHANGED BY CHOICE!

I did it. 
Me.
I didn't use some magic wand-while that would've been nice, it took work.
But the work was part of my journey.  My discovery to gaining my voice again.  My ability to choose my own way and choose the life I wanted to live...I took my control back.  I am no longer helpless and that is what this journey is about.  Very little is about losing weight...it's more about discovering who we are when we start LIVING instead of HIDING.  It feels so good.  I want all women to make that discovery and rip away that weighed down feeling of regret.  It will lay on top of us and crush us IF we allow it.  That choice is up to us.  Don't wait until January 1st because others say that's what you do.  Do something different.  Do something that frightens people.  Do something that leaves people guessing...even yourself.  Once you get a taste of what it feels like to make positive choices and commit to giving yourself the life you've always wanted, you'll NEVER want to go back.  Ever.  

Did Jillian's words speak to you?

My hope is to one day leave words that give women that "ah ha" moment we all deserve just as she did and does every day.  She is changing lives around the world and while I'm hopefully impacting lives right here in my town, I hope to one day change the world alongside her and have that platform to share my story, successes and setbacks with the world!  Thank you Jillian for doing what you do...it's contagious and that is so powerful and life-changing :)  




1 comment:

fancy nancy said...

Your words (and even more so actions) have certainly inspired me and I'm certain that they are doing the same to so many!!!

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