Wednesday, February 11, 2015

for that girl and...

She's why I do what I do.
She is the fuel behind my desire to be better and to help make others healthier...
I was the "bigger" girl for most of my life.  I can't remember a time in my life where I felt small or even average.  I always stuck out.  Bigger, taller, and that belly.  

While I'm still a 5' 10" woman with a size 11 shoe, I'm FIT and HEALTHY.
I've been able to say that for a while now and those words never lose value.
I feel strong.  I'm not skinny, nor do I strive to be but I work on being a better, healthier version of myself EVERY day.  

My boys.
They are added fuel to my fire.
I LOVE that they value exercise and taking care of their bodies.  When they get home from school, they drop their backpacks and outside they go!  They LOVE being active and they know how to fuel properly, while sometimes they choose not to! Ha!

I'm often asked, "How do you stay motivated?" and that is my answer. 
I have the fuel from years of neglect to my body.  I neglected my health and chose to poison my body with food that wasn't nourishment but rather a sense of satisfaction and comfort for me.
I've realized over the years that I was replacing empty feelings with food.  A bad combination that leads to self-sabotage and a very hard habit to break.  It's like a disease.
I HAD to eat so it surrounded me and that temptation was most of the time too strong to fight.
In my heart I knew it was the wrong choice and I knew I was sinking deeper within that hole I created, BUT to climb out took too much effort.  Climbing out and fighting back would separate me from the pack-I'd be the odd man out and why did "everyone else get to eat terribly but I had to watch every bite?"  That wasn't fair, was it?

I've learned over time that we all get different battles to fight.  My journey is MINE alone.  Nobody can take that away from me.
I can't walk in your shoes because it would take me out of my own and I'm proud of who I am and who I work on becoming...
This is our fight to fight.  
Do we have a common goal?  Sure.
Can we use one another as support and inspiration?  Absolutely.

I see that girl I used to be in SO many people around me.  I see their beautiful faces but behind it, I see the pain, the regret and the failure.  They have given up.  They have decided it's far easier to throw in the towel than it is to keep fighting.  
I use MY FUEL to keep me going day after day.  It's a lot of fire in there and when I run out of fuel, I lean on others to lift me add fuel to my fire.  Sometimes it's the ones that wish I wouldn't succeed but most of the time it's the ones I've helped along the way.  The children that attend my run club at the school.  Some are overweight and afraid to put themselves out there but they show up willing to fight back.  That takes an unbelievable amount of courage, especially at such a young age.  I hid behind my weight and for them to stand up, willing to seek change...that's a HUGE step on their journey.  Their journey is starting much sooner than mine did so for that, I applaud them.  I applaud the women that stand up saying they never worried about their weight until their 50's but now it's a whole new ball game.  THAT takes courage.  Admitting we have flaws and fears takes courage and strength.  

If you can admit it and put it out there for the world to see, THAT should give you fuel and strength for years to come.
I have to wake up every day, good or bad, and tell myself that I deserve this.  
My body, mind and soul deserve the life I'm creating for myself...

THIS is a real feeling.
The feeling of crossing a finish line to a race that you never thought possible in your past?  That's REAL.  
Seeing your children's faces as they watch you transform into the healthy woman they always knew you could be?  THAT IS REAL.  I can't describe the emotions I feel when I run beside my boys in a race.  Or when they see my "fat pictures" and they say, "Mom, that's when you were unhealthy but not anymore!" 
The feeling we get from mindless eating of an entire bag of chips, a large pizza on your own or 4 cupcakes at a birthday party?  THAT IS NOT REAL.  
That instant rush we get will disappear the moment we walk away and realize that we gave in to a feeling, an emotion and put it into food.  
For some, this isn't your struggle but maybe it's that you hold back from eating for fear of gaining weight.  Maybe you tip the scale to the other extreme where it's protein shakes for breakfast and little else throughout the day?
Maybe it's you do great throughout the week but the weekend comes and it's time to pile it on...alcohol, chips at the Mexican restaurant and donuts for breakfast because "it's the weekend"... 

these are all forms of defeat standing in your way of success
Maybe yours has NOTHING to do with food but rather a lack of confidence because "things" don't look as they used to.  You fear that people may see and judge those flaws and that frightens you and keeps your beauty covered up.  

Whatever fight you fight, choose to reverse it and do it for that...
It's easier to dwell in that lonely place but the fighting back takes courage and strength that we ALL have, the key is FINDING IT.  And once we find it, it can easily disappear but keeping that fire lit...
that's what separates the true success stories.  
What will your story be? 

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