Wednesday, January 29, 2014

can't stop and we must NEVER QUIT

Some words that hit home for me on my favorite show, Biggest Loser last night,
Rachael (my favorite contestant) said it felt so good to live life and to no longer allow food and emotions to control her.  
She was living behind closed doors, allowing such small things like FOOD to control her?  
Uhhh I think I can relate to that one.  

While on the outside looking in, everything seemed fine in my life as an overweight, sedentary child, teen and then as a college student where my weight went out of control.  That life I was living on my own was a different story.  It revolved around late night drive thru's, Little Debbie's hidden in my pantry, and portions that were 3-4 servings at a time.  
As a child I never knew how to back away from the dinner table.  It was like the more I ate, the better I felt mentally but it only brought worse feelings physically. Then I'd feel guilty and start it all over again.  
I was trapped with no way out.   A feeling no person should go through.  

I thought I broke free in 2001 as the weight started to fall off.  I was getting my life back.  I started to focus on feeling good, fueling my body and working out hard.  It all felt good.  MUCH better feeling than I'd felt in the past, was this it?  My life had finally transformed into the person I wanted to be for so long...
Or was I wrong?

Ya see the weight stayed off for a while but I never really understood my addiction to that feeling of fixing the emotions with food.  Yes I know it's controversial to talk about emotional eating but I truly ate through my emotions, one day at a time.  Of course by this time I was taking college courses and earning a degree in Health and Exercise but was I changed forever?
I still wouldn't let go of the emotional baggage.  The divorce of my parents.  Feeling abandoned by my father and how I didn't hold first place in his heart or maybe he didn't love me enough to stay around?  Ugh each emotion I felt, I ate right on through it in my former days so what was stopping me now?  Well I was teaching aerobics, I had lost weight and was eating healthy...seemed to have it all together BUT WAIT,
I would not step food in a restaurant, ate very specific foods, never found balance in every day life. I would control binging by only keeping certain foods in my pantry and fridge.  I hadn't learned self-control, I had learned how to isolate myself in my own environment.  
Uh oh...what's wrong with that?
It was only a matter of time before I'd have to walk into a restaurant and face my fears.  Only a matter of time where new foods would come back into my home then marriage, pregnancies...the perfect excuses for my old ways to slowly creep back in :(  

My oldest son was 3 1/2 and we took him to pick strawberries at Froberg Farm in that picture above, on the left.  Wow.  Sure don't know those people anymore.  Funny how looking back, we never quite felt that we looked the way that we did.  Guess you've figured out that my old ways took control in my happy life.  You see I focus on unhappiness and self-doubt a lot from my past but that doesn't mean I wasn't happy with my life.  My husband is my best friend, the man of my dreams and he is my everything.  When my son's were born they made my life even more complete.  They are my world!  But I still battled with mixing food with emotion.  I'd be stressed, I'd eat.  Happy and I'd eat.  Tired and I'd name it and I could relate it to food.  
BUT it does mean I wasn't fully living my life.  It was semi-controlled by food.  Honestly.

And in January 2013 I decided to FINALLY BREAK FREE.  And this time I have EVERY intention of this road only getting better, me getting stronger and conquering more goals and helping more people do as I've done for myself.  I strive EVERY day.  It's never easy and it won't get easier.  The road keeps going and the obstacles keep popping up along the way but I've learned to use them to inspire, to push and to fuel me.  To go further, harder, make bigger changes and help change the lives of others.  My hope is for all women to break free from that burden of food, emotions and self-doubt.  We are all worth more than that.  
My husband fought his own battle with food and his weight.  He has lost over 100lbs and has kept it off for over 2 years now!  Amazing!  Of course he's fortunate to have a women like me that prepares delicious, healthy meals each day :)  Haha!  But he fights hard and doesn't give up.  He is a runner through and through...watching him while he runs is freeing for me!  
He looks so happy out there conquering his fears and pushing hard!  I watched him gain weight over the years and live a life trapped with food and late night eating but it took one day of work testing and being told his blood pressure was too high to continue and it changed him FOREVER.  
Isn't it funny how we all have that one, pivotal moment in life that changes us forever?  


Some meal ideas because no post is complete without FOOD!  Ha!

Breakfast casserole-
12 eggs-beaten
1 lb breakfast turkey sausage 
2 cups frozen hash browns
Layer hash browns on bottom, then breakfast turkey sausage, then beaten eggs.  Place in 375 preheated oven for 45 minutes or until cooked through.  I usually take this out after 30 minutes and when edges are cooked and browned, I fluff with fork and place back in oven additional time.  It helps to not dry out the casserole.  I top the kids with shredded cheddar and here it is served with fruit...YUM!  Raspberries and a clementine :)
*While hash browns are starchy, I make sure we consume these early in the day...this leaves plenty of time to burn it off!  
**Remember it's not about saying NO to foods, it's about limiting and learning balance with all foods.  

-this is on a small, appetizer plate!  Get in the habit of using smaller plates for meals.  We are so set on BIG, filling meals when it should be more about fueling and less about enjoyment.  We eat ALL of our meals this way, never the large plate because we'll want to fill it up more and that's not the main goal.  Less is more and chances are, we're eating far too large of portions throughout the day....THIS can make a huge difference with your weight loss goals, trust me!

A dinner idea:
Sauteed veggies in coconut oil-cauliflower, broccoli and string beans, side salad that is 1c lettuce, 2 strawberries-chopped, 1 tsp Feta, and a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil.  The meat under those sauteed mushrooms and onions is 5oz lean sirloin patty.  I saute the mushrooms and onions with a little extra virgin olive oil and garlic.  Delicious and BALANCED!


fancy nancy said...

Well said!! I love Rachel! Her finish was so impressive and tear jerking!!

hiker mom said...

Rachael totally rocked that Tri! So cool! I was seriously impressed with her 10 minute swim:) Wow! Swimming was my very worst part of my tri at almost triple her time:0

Mrinda said...

I love The Biggest Loser! It is a great show to watch while on the treadmill---very motivational.
The breakfast casserole looks good! Thanks for sharing.

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