Tuesday, November 18, 2014

the way it used to be...

I remember like it was yesterday, the feelings I'd have when it was time to change but would it stick?

Most of the time it was, Oh yes I'll start Monday.  There will be Tae-Bo in the living room then healthier meals and NO fast food.  I'll start Monday and it'll be great.  But since I "start" Monday I better live it up these next few days since I'll be starving after that.  
Then the dreaded Monday would arrive, I'd start with a bad mood from being "hungry" and then I'd spiral out of control the second I was left alone with all that temptation surrounding me.  Or my mindset would be, Ah I did great today so tomorrow a Happy Meal won't mess things up too terribly bad? The Happy Meal would turn into a trip to the convenient store for Doritos and a Sprite...and next thing I knew I was "starting again" next Monday :(  
I think for me the road less traveled seemed scary.  I wanted to be social, hang out with friends and be able to enjoy myself at parties and family gatherings and that usually meant FOOD was involved in some way.  Unlike drugs and alcohol, we must have FOOD to survive so in that sense, we can make excuses for our poor food habits.  Most people find it discouraging to have to think about the things we do with our bodies- exercise and nutrition.  It takes work and planning.  Some days I hate it, others I embrace it and love it because it outweighs the old me and where I stayed for so long.  If you haven't been in that dark place, then it's hard to grasp or understand.  And if you've never successfully overcome it, then it's even more difficult to see happiness and success on the other side of things.  Am I right?  

Getting your mind in the game is a HUGE part of the struggle.  I made this egg white and cottage cheese omelette today for breakfast with fresh fruit.  It took 5 min of my time, zero planning and it was delicious and filling.  A win-win!  The old me would have decided on cereal, most likely Cheerios (a not-so-bad option right?) but I'd eat 3-4 heaping bowls of it.  All of a sudden I'd make a decent breakfast option, terrible for myself.  How did I always manage to do that?  Ugh.  

These days are a balancing act.
It's a constant struggle and I have good days and bad.  You will have them too.

I was afraid, lost and had zero self-confidence.  That's a bad combination and a tough one to break.
Slowly, after years of learning from my mistakes and successes, I have found that balance as of now.
That's not to say bumps down the road may deter me but I will NEVER QUIT!

My heart aches for adults and children who feel as I did.  Who went through the "I'll start Monday's" over and over again.  It's a cycle that has no end unless WE PUT AN END TO IT OURSELVES.
Enough has to be enough and we can't want it for superficial reasons.  So you want to be ready for your class reunion?  Great that'll last for a few weeks and then you'll sabotage and end up right back where you started, only further back.  It must be for your health, your well-being, your change to start living life to its fullest.  It has to come from your whole heart, body and soul.  
A road this difficult can't be attempted just to fit in a pair of jeans, it must be SO much more than that...and yes those smaller jeans are a HUGE perk but not the fuel behind my fire and desire to live healthy!


fancy nancy said...

Well said!! It is a daily choice to be healthy!!

Jodie Rhodes said...

Love this post. Like all your posts, this really hit home.

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