Wednesday, July 8, 2015


I decided today would be a great day to rummage through my closet and THROW THINGS OUT!  I have too much useless clothing that I haven't worn in YEARS...yes YEARS!

I started pulling things out and I stood there speechless.  They didn't look like my clothes...

Old, college T-shirts that were XL and XXL
Nike workout pants XL, Dri-fit shirts in 2X
ohhh and then there was THIS pair of workout capris...
I held onto all of it because sadly I pictured myself slipping right back into it for YEARS...

They were MY FAVORITE!
This 2XL t-shirt and these size 18 pants were right by each other in a pile...
I put the shirt on and then the pants...WOW
Please remember THIS post is not about sizes or a number on a scale. 

I felt like they weren't MY clothes, it was strange.
I couldn't picture ever wearing them...but I remember them. 
it was an eye-opening experience because while the number on the scale has changed drastically since then, I don't let that number dictate how I feel or set my mood.  Instead I reflect during my workouts on how strong I am- my endurance improving and my muscles getting stronger, squats getting better and my body changing!  
(I wear a S in t-shirts and a size 4 in clothes ) 
 I was throwing out bras in 42DD and 3XL sports bras!!!! 
 (I wear a 34C now and a M sports bra) 

I focus SO much energy on the way I feel and how good being healthy FEELS that I forget that the physical stuff is pretty amazing too!  
It's an added perk but not the fuel in my fire, that's for sure! 

My fire is knowing I can do things I once could NOT!!! but this was definitely a bonus! 
However it is NOT the reason I push myself because I wouldn't be able to get through the really hard days if it were only about fitting into a certain size or seeing a specific number on a scale.  
It has to be SO much more than that BUT...

I clearly remember always saying to myself, "I"m a bigger person so XL suits me right." "I have a big chest, shoulders and I'm not petite so XXL is okay." 
I could TOTALLY justify it in my mind and if you would've asked my former self to imagine herself healthy and fit, she might have laughed because who I am today was not even a possibility for who I used to be...

I tell my story and use so much truth and honesty because it's the ONLY way to help change the world.  If I could put what I thought I knew then with what I know now, I'd be a billionaire because you wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you.  
I have flipped my ENTIRE way of thinking-
which changed my way of living!  
You have to stop making excuses for the way things are 
and change it!
You have to stop giving yourself an "it's okay, I'll start again on Monday" lecture.
You have to stop quitting when it gets hard...
the hard is what brings change!

How did THAT girl become who I am today?
She stopped giving up on herself and started believing she could...

I BELIEVED. It's the only thing that takes me across those finish lines time after's what pushes me through a TOUGH workout, it's what helps me fight temptation at a party when I'm surrounded by junk food and it's what helps me pass up those crappy fast food restaurants on every corner.  I learned that having a crutch like that only brought me down and held me back from MOST things in my life...
I never want to feel that way again. 

I'm often asked, "Where do you find the energy when you teach boot camp or run 13.1 miles?" because I'm all over the place dancing, singing, yelling and motivating of course.  My answer is what I wrote above...I never want to feel what unhealthy felt like again, EVER!  So I take THAT and it drives me through the entire hour or another race again and again...
I LOVE IT! and if you knew me back when, you'd think I was kidding but I truly love it!  
I wouldn't stick with it if I didn't...and it gives me what food never could.  My life back, the life I dreamed of having and I'm able to be active with my kids, play a basketball game against my husband, set a goal and attain it without hesitation and just HAVE FUN instead of worrying about my health or lack thereof...NOTHING can replace that feeling.  

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