Wednesday, May 14, 2014

forever changed...

I'm a girl who is forever changed...
and I want to offer HOPE to so many that are lost and are afraid of that change that I feared for so many years...
Instead of running from it, I've learned to CHASE IT

My blog is a place where I can go to express myself, reflect on the girl I used to be and who I am becoming each day in hopes of helping other women find the courage to fight harder, be stronger and encourage a world of healthy living to all those around them :)  
BIG hopes and dreams I know, but nothing is impossible!

Going through pictures weeks ago at my mother's, I stumbled across this picture on the left:

EEEK, I remember those jeans being SO tight that night and I believe they were a size 16.  It was a Clay Walker concert in Nachodoches, TX.  We were able to get backstage and meet him and I was so happy...or was I?  Because I also recall from that evening stopping by Whataburger and ordering a cheeseburger, large fries and a DP at around 2am.  What was I thinking?  
Looking back I also remember this was my "thinner" days
Yes I'd gain more weight throughout the following two years, but thankfully I learned to grab hold and take back my life!
The girl on the right -picture taken last week reflects my hard work and dedication to my new life.  Yes I'm still that same girl but I am stronger.  Physically and mentally.  I have learned to fight back when it comes to indulging with food.  It's like there is no OFF switch in my brain when I begin to eat foods that are comfort- loaded with empty calories and little nutrients.  

Why did it taste so good?  

Looking back time and time again, I honestly don't believe I loved that food.  
I believe I loved the FEELING the food would give me.  
Instant satisfaction.  Comfort.  
Things were stressful-the food was that comfort for me.  
I was upset or down on myself because I couldn't fit in the clothes off of the rack at the store-the food was that comfort.  
The food was my crutch.  
It was holding me down in that hole I had created for myself over and over again.  
If I successfully lost a little weight and was feeling good, it was only a matter of time before life's obstacles led me to turn to food for that comfort I so desperately craved. 

To be forever changed, I have learned to pay close attention to my triggers, to not eat in boredom and to make sure I have variety when it comes to healthy foods.  
It is a work in progress...always!  
I have learned to find comfort through non-food related things.  
I turn to my family, my Move It Mommas, my former self of an example of what quitting would look like.  

I wasn't feeling well yesterday but was craving something sweet.  Instead of grabbing a Little Debbie as I did for YEARS, I decided to get creative :)  and it paid off!  
a white cheddar rice cake topped with PB and a few leftover Easter M&M's!  Mmmmm!  
Keep it interesting and you'll amaze yourself at how much flavor you can find in healthier alternatives, trust me!

I have come so very far from the girl I used to be.
She is a distant memory and I'd like to keep her that way.
I remember all of the tough battles that she fought.  
The nights where she honestly believed this was her life.  It was what it was and she would be the "fat girl" forever.
I still fight for her though.
I fight for all of the girls that remind me of my former self.
I know they have it inside of them but need help reaching within.
I HATED what I saw in the mirror and although I am still working on "loving me", I sure like the woman I am becoming each day.  
I am proud to have overcome the cycle of obesity. 
I am proud to have fought for EVERY pound lost.  None of that was easy and it shouldn't be.   
I am proud to help other women do the same.
I am proud that I had to hit rock bottom in order to appreciate my daily climb to my healthiest life.
I will NEVER QUIT and I will keep reaching, aiming high and encouraging other women to do the same.

How are you forever changed?  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is so awesome! I am visiting for the first time and already love your attitude and everything you have accomplished! You look amazing!

site designed by: Designs by Jamie