Tuesday, May 6, 2014

loving me

Something that needs A LOT of work...loving me. 
I struggle when it comes to loving myself physically.  Of course I consider myself a fun-loving person, I love to make people laugh and have a good time but liking what I see when I look into the mirror is a WHOLE different story and that makes me sad.
I have the greatest ability to rip myself apart.
I will look into a mirror, find EVERY flaw and it will make me so crazy that I'll change clothes, 
sulk and feel sorry for myself for hours...
Yes, pathetic I know.
Why is it that I'll find every stretch mark or flabby area and it will turn into a conversation with myself on ALL of my imperfections? 

You'd think I would be happy with how far I've come and don't you worry, I am.  
But I think it's so hard to shake the negative image that we have of ourselves as women.  
We compare ourselves to the "perfect" figure or physique when really we should be focused on how we FEEL.

Feeling healthy is not about appearance or how we look in the mirror.

A personal goal I'm setting for myself is to LOVE myself more...
Of course I see progress and I've come so very far on my personal journey but I'm telling you, 
I can tear myself down like nothing you've ever seen.  

The thing is, we all have imperfections and we should embrace those as well as work on 

I fight hard every day to overcome my issues with emotional eating.  In my former ways I didn't like what I saw so I just ate to make it "all okay".  That worked for so many years that I forgot how to love myself.  I loved food in the wrong way.  I allowed it to coat my frustrations and take away the LOVE I needed for myself.  I didn't feel healthy and I wasn't healthy.  There's nothing healthy about eating our way through a box of cookies because we are down on ourselves...

I fail at this goal often because I want this "perfect body" BUT what is the "perfect body"??  
Do we know?   I guarantee it is different for each of us.  I want to be shorter, I wish I had a booty and a not-so-flabby belly.  But it is real and it is me.  Those imperfections tell a story.  Those stretch marks and loose skin are a reminder for me that this road never ends.  It doesn't get easier and there's NO quick fix.  Those areas of my body that I hate most are just a small part of my journey, reminding me of where it all began and how a lost girl finally found her way and is helping others do the same.  
I must accept that but I won't accept being unhealthy.  It's never okay for any of us to settle for unhealthy.  We are worth more, we deserve more and our families deserve that strong, healthy mother we know that we can be!  

I must focus on the truth,
and Truth is:
I fight day in and day out to keep it that way and no matter what, I FEEL healthy.

Instead of beating myself up over what I don't have or what's NOT "perfect" about me, I'll take this time to embrace it...WE ALL SHOULD :)  so here goes mine...
3 month progress and I'll take it!
I notice change in my back, arms and shoulders...and if you look in the picture on the right, 
I see a bicep in the mirror :)  WOOHOO!!!
My back/tummy/chest area is where I carry most of my weight.  I was always heavier in my upper body and it caused me to slouch so it wouldn't draw attention there :( 
Seeing progress in those areas makes me PROUD.  I SEE changes and that makes me happy.
I WILL focus on that instead of what I don't have...
Focus on FEELING HEALTHY today and every day!


fancy nancy said...

You look fabulous Marissa! I know it is easy for us to find our flaws or where we carry our weight but girl you are carrying nothing! Your hard work shines!!

Rachelle Q said...

Does it make you feel better that most of us would love a couple more inches on our height? And squats do a booty good girl;) You have come so far Marissa! I wish we could all only see the positives about our bodies and not focus on the negatives but I am very guilty of this too:/

jillconyers said...

Love it as usual! You're not going to believe what my post is about today! Great minds :)

Sweat Is My Sanity said...

Crazy that you're still improving. I'm so in awe of you!! Hopefully we'll end up in Texas for dental school so I can join your Move It Mammas. :) Seriously.

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