Thursday, June 26, 2014

the moment?

So many people ask, "What was the moment that changed you?  And your husband?"
"What moment made you lose the weight and keep it off?"

I'd love to define ONE MOMENT that forever changed me.  Or the one moment that changed my husband.  Of course moments stick out in my mind for both of us, 
but I don't think I could choose just one? 
The moment that I stopped feeling sorry for myself.
The moment where I realized it's not about life being unfair but about dealing with what we have, making the best of it and finding our strengths.  
The moment where I stopped living life looking for the temporary fix, 
the easy and quick way to lose weight or 
the moment when I stopped living with the attitude that I'd change "tomorrow or Monday"...

But I can't.

What I do know is that each time I failed was a day that made me stronger.  
For years it felt effortless when I'd give up so it became second nature.   
These days I'd like to think it was preparing me for something greater.  
I was testing myself for the days where my journey can help others. 

I think it was many moments that make me who I am today.  Both good and bad.
The moments where I'd cry myself to sleep and the moments where I cross the finish line to another half marathon!  They all matter and they are all moments on my journey that I celebrate.

This picture was from my 21st birthday.  I've shared it a million times and each time I look at it, I see the same girl...although she was full of life around her family and friends, 
she was dealing with a lot of insecurities. 
A defining moment was after this picture was taken, I received a call from my childhood best friend!  She was getting MARRIED and while this was so exciting, it meant bridesmaid dresses...yipee :(   
Her bridesmaids standing in a line...all thinner than the next and then there was ME.  
She decided to go with navy and a very flattering dress...YES! dark would make me look thinner and the dress wasn't fitted. Amen.  
It was time for measurements...
The lady gave me the pep talk about how dresses run smaller than normal and then she laid it on me..."Ma'am we're going to order up one size to a 22 just to make sure it fits properly"
Ummmm, did she just say 22?  I'm pretty sure it's what I heard but I think I was on the verge of fainting so I asked her again...

But after that moment instead of changing my life it only made me feel sorry for myself and that seemed like an easier option- to blame I did.   
I did the "life isn't fair", "why am I the only one that can't eat that way?", "why can they eat junk and not gain weight and I do?".  "It's because I'm Italian and I love bread and pasta!" "I'm just a bigger girl, meant to be heavy"
YEP, none of the excuses helped me lose the weight or change my life so why use them?
I guess it made me feel better and I could justify the weight, the behavior and the failure?? 

I had to get TIRED of the moments passing me by.  
Tired of the excuses.  Tired of wanting change but never working for it.  Tired of feeling sorry for myself and tired of failing. know how this story goes and I'm changing more every day!
I will NEVER STOP CHANGING!  I WILL NEVER QUIT!  I'm never finished because when I "finish", I only revert back so this journey will never end, I will always have struggles with food, troubles with my eating habits and exercise but I will keep reaching, exceeding and inspiring others to do the same...just as they inspire me each and every day! 

And if you follow my story you'll know that things didn't get easier after meeting my husband, getting married and starting a family...
I once again reverted back and even these moments are what makes me who I am today.  I was a size 12-14 in that left picture after having my first son, so nowhere near how bad things had become in college, but I was definitely slipping.  We are human.  We live and learn from our mistakes and life's moments.  It's when we choose to learn from those moments that the changing and growing takes place.  I take each moment and learn from it.  My journey that is never ending serves as hope for women that were heavy like me for most of their lives and for the women that gained weight as they grew older, started families, etc.  

The similar ground is that we get TIRED of it, 
we seek change and we run after it...
we don't make excuses or allow our obstacles to hold us back!


jillconyers said...

I read all of your posts and a few more than once. Do you ever feel stuck? At a loss for what is wrong and what to do next? Ugh! Having a serious down time right now.

Have a wonderful weekend and keep doing what you do :)

Christy @ My Dirt Road Anthem: A Runner's Blog said...

I have a very overweight cousin who is constantly struggling with her weight, I keep hoping she finds her moment, or series of them. I had one in college when I could not button my big pants anymore. I joined the gym and cleaned up my eating, not to say it has all been that easy, but I so clearly remember that moment and hating the way I felt

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