Friday, February 22, 2013

honesty...

I wanna be honest and share my frustrations with all of you throughout this process, so that you guys know that it's never easy and there will always be days where we feel defeated, 
it's all part of the journey...

I am the first person to admit that I allow the scale to reflect my mood/attitude for the day when it comes to clean eating and exercise but why?  I should know better and should understand that if I'm dropping sizes in my clothes and feeling MUCH better about myself both on the inside and out and the eating is reflecting through my workouts then what is there to be frustrated about, right?  WRONG.  My old thoughts come creeping in...

I guess I'm just going through that phase where I feel sorry for myself that I feel like I try SO hard and worry about my eats and exercise 24/7 and never a break.  Even on a "cheat meal" or a "rest day", it's all I think about and those are suppose to be the days where we chill!!!

Don't get me wrong, it's totally worth the worry and the reward is greater than we can ever imagine, but every now and then am I entitled to a little pity party?  

Keep in mind, I am all about healthy eating and exercise!  I know it's reducing my risk for heart disease and other health-related illnesses.  It helps me to NEVER go back to that dark place where I felt so alone when I was over 200lbs, addicted to fast food and had zero motivation to exercise...ever.  I love running and the way it makes me feel afterward and I really loving adding strength training to my workouts so much these days...makes me feel STRONG!  I know I am being a better role model for our children.  I LOVE that I am able to share my story and somehow inspire and motivate others to change their habits and lives as well 
BUT...

Every now and then it would be nice to not care...
Even when I had a let a little weight creep back on, I was still very cautious with my foods and my workouts were on target, always!  As I've said before, the workouts come easy for me-I love it!  But the foods, why can't I just not care once?  In a different world, one that didn't consist of me struggling with my weight most of my life and didn't study the way the body works/moves etc, I'd probably go to a restaurant and order loaded nachos or some Alfredo pasta with no meat...just straight fattening carbs!  LOL!  Or possibly just simply eat an entire loaf of bread for a meal!  Ha! Not that I'd really do it but there's always the guilt that comes with splurging.  I totally agree that we should have splurges and "cheat meals" because every now and then indulges are okay but seriously...to once not think about it, care or panic when it comes to ordering food at a restaurant or even at home.  

I guess I should STOP and think about the days when I didn't care...
What was my quality of life?  What was my health like back then?  How did I feel?
The answer to all of the above: AWFUL!  

I SNAP BACK INTO REALITY and realize that it's okay to have moments where we doubt ourselves and ask ourselves why?  Where we realize that this journey, this life is all for a reason.  I am able to appreciate things SO much more since I have battled and overcome my weight issues for so long.  I am reminded of that former life I led.  It was miserable.  I felt so sad and alone.  I was unable to live and appreciate all the amazing, active things that life has to offer.  Trust me, this new life sure beats sitting on the couch, stuffing my face while watching hours of TV.  Yuck!  That old body of mine felt sick all of the time and just BLAH!  

So thanks for letting me be honest and share my struggles, it shows that we're ALL human, no matter what our struggles in life may be...

And onto my eats for today!  
I am really trying to increase the protein in my diet and eat the foods that will help me burn the most calories efficiently!  
Plain Greek Yogurt topped with frozen blueberries and a little TJ's High Fiber O's

4 mile interval run, pushing my son in the jogging stroller...whew, I hadn't pushed him in a while and it sure adds work!  Hats off to the Momma's that get out there and PUSH their babies while they exercise!  
then it was a protein shake mixed with Isopure, ice and water plus 15 almonds!

And in between these meals I had a 300 calorie salad, skipping the dressing at a restaurant meeting a friend for lunch!  It was very tasty and since we usually never go out to eat, it was a nice change and great visiting with one of my closest friends :)

 And this was delicious this evening...1/2 sm sweet potato mixed with lentils and turkey mixture!

The best snack!  apples with cinnamon and PB2!  Ya know you can leave out the PB2 and enjoy with cinnamon and it tastes like dessert!  So yummy and a great, healthy snack!  
*My boys love this warmed a little in the microwave and topped with raisins!  

And what I can't wait to try...it's all the buzz on Pinterest for clean eating!  Zucchini noodles!  

Looks so yummy, right?  Takes the place of noodles and a great alternate to spaghetti squash, just to change things up a little!

How do you focus and overcome your frustrations when it comes to health and fitness?
For me, I remember the girl that I used to be.  I focus on the positive things and how far I've come.  I remember that I'm healthier, happier 
and the best Mom and Wife that I can be for myself and my family :) 
YOUR TURN!!!!

5 comments:

jillconyers said...

You wrote this just for me. Didn't you? Just the other day I was thinking how nice it would be not to care. Then, my knows me all too well husband reminded me of some of the differences between who I am now and who I was when I didn't care so much. Reality check!

Oh and PB2? One of the best foodie inventions ever!

Theresa Benoit said...

This post is great! I'm glad you posted it because I am definitely going through the same thing :) Have a great weekend!

fancy nancy said...

I'm with Jill!! This was for me!! I was just teasing my husband the other day saying, "Would you still love me if I just didn't care anymore and ate what I wanted and did nothing?" He promptly reminded me that I would not love me!! I'm totally trying those apples...yum!

April Westerhold said...

This post brought out a lot of thoughts.
1. I used to LIVE by the scale. I would be so depressed if it moved slightly higher not even taking in to account water weight, time of weighing, had I eaten, etc. What a prison I lived in! The day I "threw away" the scale was the most rewarding day in my fitness/health journey. It really was a source of demotivation for me.
2. I firmly believe that life is too short to live in guilt whether it be in your daily life, your relationship, your fitness goals, etc. I have really tried to make conscious decisions and KNOW that if I eat those nachos with 2 margaritas then I am taking in calories that I didn't count on and I am going to feel like crap. Sometimes I go ahead and give in because I don't want to spend my entire life depriving myself and being so tied in to my weight and my image that I don't "live". Other times, I realize that I can do without them.
3. While I realize that your fears come from your younger years and your weight and lifestyle at the time, it is evident that you are a new person. Just as we like to tell others who are having difficulties . . . you HAVE MADE A LIFESTYLE CHANGE . . . you aren't on a diet. On a diet you can fall off the wagon. When you are committed to a healthy lifestyle there may be times when you indulge but you will not go back. Fitness and health is just as much a part of your life now as McDonald's and late night pizzas were back then.

Thanks for being in honest!!

Elle said...

It is good to stop and check in with ourselves once in a while and reflect and remind ourselves of how far we have come and how our lives are better because we DO care.

Good post!

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