Sunday, October 20, 2013

we can

Do you believe you can?

For so long I know I did not.  I doubted myself in school, with family and friends, in almost every aspect of my life.  
Seems like I started almost every sentence with "I can't because..."

I made so many excuses for myself that I truly stopped believing that I could actually accomplish something that I had set out to finish.  
And people often ask, what changed?  How did I finally start believing in myself?
I wish I had an answer, but somewhere down that lonely road I had been walking on...
I am capable.
I deserve happiness and I should not fear change, I should embrace it!

Maybe I was sick and tired of starting at the beginning.  Tired of working so hard only to fall short and slip back into my old ways over and over...and over again.  ??
I know that I use my past struggles as proof to myself that I did it!  I reflect on the positive.  

When you start to tell yourself, "I CAN" the road is still far from over.  
I am proof that a goal is only worth fighting for if you continue to set goals behind it!
You reach a goal, set another and another...and another!  NEVER QUIT!
It's what keeps that CAN attitude close to your heart.  

How do I stay focused on the positive?  Well I don't 100% of the time because like you, I am human.  We all make mistakes and learn from them. 

But I do TRY my best to focus on learning from my past.  I don't want to forget that dark place, I just want to NEVER return to it.  
I am no longer that girl that feared EVERYTHING.  
I am no longer that woman that turned to food to find comfort in life.  
When I want to give up, quit and just throw in the towel I think about that girl...

     I was standing in my apartment, had just devoured a #7 from McDonald's.  Yes that would be the TWO cheeseburger meal-not even sure if that exists anymore but I sure hope not.  
     I was going home alone again.  I had spent most of the night drinking heavily so I wouldn't have to think about the fact that ALL of my friends were asked to dance except for me and MOST of my friends had boyfriends except for me.  I couldn't wait to leave that bar and head to the nearest fast food joint.  Was I hungry?  Absolutely not.  But you better believe I had convinced myself that I was starving.  It would "fix" those feelings that I had felt that night, wouldn't it?
     I ate in my car A LOT.  This way people wouldn't see me eating.  See that's what I did best.  Ate very little at parties, dinner with friends and family, but once I was alone...uh oh.  I had food hidden throughout my apartment, in my car, everywhere.  I am not a doctor and never claim to be but honestly...I feel like food was a drug for me.  In my mind it "fixed" everything.  I turned to it when I was happy, sad, angry or upset.  No matter the mood, I had a food to fix it every time.  Sometimes I'd cry WHILE I was eating.  
     But no matter what, each night would end the same.  Crying myself to sleep, knowing I had failed myself again.  Tomorrow would be better?  Yes, tomorrow will be better I'd tell myself but tomorrow would come and go with a similar outcome.  Once I had let myself down enough times, I started to believe that I truly CAN'T change...
     And why am I sharing all of this?  So YOU understand how I am able to keep telling myself I CAN.  I push through knowing how dark and lost I truly was for SO many years. It makes me ANGRY that I allowed something to control my life the way that it did.  It had complete control.  I had none.  
WHATEVER is keeping you from living your healthiest life, IT STOPS TODAY!  
Gain control.  Fight back and tell yourself that you CAN.
Let nothing stand in your way.  NOTHING.   

Your story will be much different than mine.  
Maybe you lack exercise?  You hate veggies and fruits?  Drink too many soft drinks?  You want to stop taking blood pressure medication?  You want to fight that risk of heart disease that runs high in your family?  Or maybe you are just tired of your pants fitting a little too snug these days?

You CAN and you are capable of far more than you think.  


Stephanie Interbartolo said...

We will do this TOGETHER! Thank you for being by my side and helping me through this new journey. You are an inspiration and I thank GOD everyday for bringing you into my life!

Marissa said...

Oh girl you have no idea!! You inspire are pushing through each day and making changes...for that, I am lucky to have met YOU ;)

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